Positive Thinking Doesn't Work?

This is an excerpt from My response to a post by the fabulous Jennifer Shelton at FemCentral.  I've modified it to speak directly to you.

 

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Semantics.  What one person calls "positive thinking" is called "mindfulness" by another person writing a book to sell.  "Positive thinking" can also be included in chanting, meditation, and so many other modalities designed to gain control over FEAR = False Experiences Appearing Real.

In My experience, Positive Thinking is actually CHOOSING empowering thoughts and actions over disempowering ones.  The same amount of time and energy spent on worrying about something that -could- happen can be spent on focusing on what you -want- to create and "Love Me Time" which allows you to get out of the way of achieving your goals.  The stress that people choose to "think" with determines manifestation.

The bottom line is RESPONSIBILITY and ACTION. There is no one thing that is going to be a cure-all for every person.  We are responsible for trying and adapting new things all the time and evolving along THE PROCESS OF OUR DEVELOPMENT.  This requires commitment.

And cultural perspective is thrown in there, too.  It's not only what society tells you to want, it's HOW you choose to want it.  For example, "positive thinking" will only work as far as the whiny-person-who-believes-she-is-entitled-to-everything-without-making-an-effort is willing NOT to whine.  In cultures that expect instant gratification and permanent healing from a pill, the idea that TOOLS such as "positive thinking," meditation, affirmation (and everything else that is designed to RE-CONDITION your thought processes) actually require continuous exercise immediately makes people insist that the TOOLS do not work.  In reality, people are not "working the tools."

Such laziness and lack of gratitude for all that IS available to Us to figure out how to work for Our individual needs is why We have a society of fat, lazy, slovenly individuals suing McDonald's for the fact that they CHOOSE to eat the toxic food rather than do the work to eat healthily.

All of this relates to self-worth; do you believe you are WORTHY of what you desire?

You are not entitled to anything; you have to do the work to DESERVE everything.  You have to Work Your Magick (which IS everything that you choose to design in your life). 

The Comfort Zone of "focusing on being the victim" is the perfect way for all these people to get rich writing books, etc., for and against everything that has worked throughout "herstory" to validate people staying in their comfort zones and whining about it.

It's not that something that has been proven to work for a multitude of others "doesn't work;" YOU aren't working it.

Discipline is a good thing and self-discipline is the greatest of your powers.

 

 

When Met with the 4 I's (from Knight of Halos)

My friend, who is known as Knight of Halos, offered this Pearl of Wisdom:

When We exhibit Self-Esteem, Confidence, and Conscience, those who have what I call a "lack of self" (they lack self-love, self-awareness, self-value, etc.) meet you with the "4 I's":

Idiosyncracies, Inadequacies, Insecurities and other behaviors demonstrating their Inferiority Complex - masked by Narcissism.

Here's an example of what that looks like:

Have you ever experienced a person who, when he recognizes that you are talented in some way, begins to nit-pick at every and anything you do (inadequacy)?  Then, everything becomes your fault - the reason the sun isn't shining today is somehow your doing. 

He begins to do little things to invalidate you, such as withhold acknowledgement and/or affection (idiosyncracy).  This behavior further devolves with accusations that you are trying to sabotage his sense of well-being and belittle him, usually with a focus on what he perceives as his accomplishents (insecurity) - until he accuses you of what he actually believes about himself - e.g., the bottom line: you think he is a loser. 

Inveitably, and just a matter of time, he must belitte you with concepts of that you are not good enough to be with him (this is a sign of narcissism in one of its forms that is contrary to popular understanding).  YOU must be the problem that he does not feel as fabulous as he lies to himself that he is.  It is easier to blame you for his recognition of his lacking than it is to actually do the work to improve himself to reach his personal goals (cowardice).  All of these behaviors are classic demonstations of an inferiority complex.  We see this sad condition in all areas of the world, in all walks of life, in just about every situation We deal with.

This is why it is so important to Remember Your Value.  Too many times, people We love and trust choose to operate from FEAR (False Experiences Appearing Real) at any cost.  You can become a casualty of their wars with themselves if you do not protect yourself and maintain your focus.  It's fine to understand their emotional difficulties, but it is unacceptable to permit their lack of self to destroy your sense of self.

This is why Forgiveness is such an invaluable tool.  Forgiveness is not about forgetting or saying, "what you did is OK with me."  (In fact, you should never forget; you should learn from the lesson.  The offense was not OK with you; but you can use the experience to learn to choose how you will handle such situations from now on.)

Forgiveness is about making peace with your actions and emotions concerning the person's offenses to you.  Holding onto resentment will only foster "dis-ease" and make you ill.  You forgive the other person in order to move on to the next level of your development because you cannot change another person.  The only person or things you can change in your life begin and end with you (how you choose to handle situations).  Everything else is an agreement.

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Posted via email from The Mistress Didi*s Moments

Surprised that I'm A Giving Goddess?

I'm always astounded by the ridiculous misconception that to be a Dominant Sadist means to be ill-mannered, ill-tempered, selfish, greedy, and everything that the "hoochies-with-whips" abominate The Scene by being.

As I state on My Websites, I am a Giving Goddess.  I do not wish to ever raise My voice, I prefer to make requests rather than demands, and I prefer to reward rather than to punish.

So, whenever I offer a Gift to The Community, I am saddened by the comments of appreciation including statements such as, "It's nice to know that there are still kind people out there."

It's also disparaging that those who are offenders of The Scene have the ludicrous audacity to be offended when their offenses are not tolerated in My Domain.  they band together with others of their kind to call Me "elitist" and a bitch.  their lack of vocabulary comprehension is only slightly less than their lack of integrity.

First of all, I'm a BITCH = Being In Total Control of Herself (My Domain) and the only reason they're whining is because they're used to the "silly bitch syndrome" that their mothers effected by permitting them to believe that they are special without offering value to The Whole.

Second, if desiring to be around people with class, integrity, self-respect, and consideration makes Me elitist, I'm proud to be an elitist *snob* on top of that.  I'm not a hypocrite; if I don't respect a person, I don't have anything to do with her/him.

I recognize My value by how I present Myself and My Gifts to The Whole.  I walk My talk.   I am secure enough in Myself to know that I do not lose anything when I share My beauty, talents, etc.  Karma is a magnificent thing; what you offer returns to you multiplied. 

Intelligent people know that kindness does not equal weakness.  In fact, kindness gives you a powerful tool of revelation: people show you how they want to be treated.  Being a sadist, I will take the opportunity to torture them with enlightenment, which, in itself, is a win-win for Me because I offer a Karmic good.

I return to My Mission of creating a Domain of honor, intelligence, creativity, beauty, and the opportunities for personal evolution through The Fetish Lifestyle.  I realize that more than ever, My Mission is in place to serve the need of The Greater Good.

And I'm excited and energized by this!

Looking for Lovelies for Party Service 7/28 NYC

After a long hiatus due to a horrible fall down a flight of marble stairs, I'm back and starting My events off with a fabulous after-work, Play Party!

Since it is summer and folks are indulging in vacations, 2 of My Lovelies will be unable to assist Me on 7/28.

So, I am offering a fantastic opportunity for 2 subs (with good manners and presentation) to assist at My SWIRL After-Work ClassicFetish™ Play Party - see details below.

What makes service to Me at My Events so fabulous? 1 hour on duty, 1 hour off duty so you have time to commune and Play!

Duties will include clean-up, bartending, setup and break down, so your commitment will be for the entire evening. I promise to have you on your way home (if that's where you choose to go) by 12:30AM.

If interested, contact Me DIRECTLY at MistressDidi1@gmail.com with 7/28 PARTY ASSISTANT in the Subject Line of your email.

If things work out, you may be able to attend My future events and/or private soirees as My Special Guest with a friend!

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi

EVENT: The Return of SWIRL ~ After-Work ClassicFetish™ Play Party
DATE: Thursday, July 28, 2011
TIME: 6:00PM – Midnight
EVENT TYPE: Casual Meet & Greet, Fetish Art Party
LOCATION: PRIVATE Midtown Venue – RSVP ONLY
CONTACT: http://PartyDomme.com

The Return of SWIRL ~ After-Work ClassicFetish™Play Party ~ blending your Fetish with your vanilla!

SWIRL is created for you to be able to attend a PRIVATE, Fetish gathering straight from work, have good conversations with good people, enjoy nice wines and hors d’oeuvres, Play, and still get enough rest to work the next day!

SWIRL attends to your desire to entertain what thrills you in a civilized, adult environment that appeals to your senses and sensibilities.

MORE INFO: SWIRL 7/28

Posted via email from The Mistress Didi*s Moments

Tips To Remember Your Value

Especially now, as the energies are aligning for Us to become the best We can be, it is paramount to take stock and value yourself!

Who knew that when I wrote My blog post, End of A Love Affair and the "gruesomes" that I would receive over 50 emails of thanks to date and they keep coming!  I will tell the truth and say that My post was a warning to creatures I find offensive in every way to mind their own business and keep their noses out of Mine.  However, as always, I endeavor to come from the Highest Place of Love and Consideration that I can present and in this way, I touched the hearts of many people to help them transition to a place of peace with relationship... stuff...

These dialogs all seem to resolve to the same place: the lack of recognition of one's own worth because value is placed on someone else.  Reality Check: 1) no one can love you if you do not love yourself and 2) you cannot love someone who does not love himself - he won't let you and will torture you for trying (it's the nature of the self-loathing).

Fortunately for Us all, I believe that to be of service is the highest good and that's not just for The Fetish Lifestyle.  Many people don't bother to actually read My website to be aware of My therapeutic credentials which are listed in My bio.  And everything in My Bio is True.  So, I've presented below a segment of some advice I gave in response to a letter from a fabulous person to remind Us all to remember to Value Your Truth.  These tips are beneficial for a variety of situations in Our lives, not just for relationships of the heart. 

Tips To Remember Your Value

... When a relationship ends, We tend to over-complicate things and over-analyze every thought and emotion We have.  What you need to remember is that you don't have to make yourself miserable when a situation doesn't work the way you "expected" it to.  Here are some tips for getting over "the blues" (whatever their source):
 

1.	The question to ask first and foremost is, "How does what I'm doing right now serve Me?"  Seriously, does sitting around sulking about a soured relationship actually do anything constructive for your happiness?  Here's where discipline is key: you can choose to be better.  Develop skills and habits to support you Being Better.
2.	Self-Assessment.  Make a list of 1) the qualities that you like about yourself - list no less than 10; 2) things you know that you are good at doing; 3) skills/talents that you have; 4) things that other people you respect appreciate about you; and 5) prove each of the things on your list with real-life situations that you have done/are doing.  Read this list daily to boost your positive and powerful energies and to render criticism (especially ugly-break-up accusations) useless and unfounded. NEVER compare yourself to anyone else in her/his life.  Seriously, why should you care?  Why want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?  If someone compares you to a person in their past, they have not moved on from their "drama" and cannot fully be committed to you.  If they compare you to a new lover, defuse their abuse by saying, "Sounds like you deserve each other.  Good luck,"  and get away from them.  Choose to have a better-for-you situation all the way around.
3.	Identify how the PERSON differs from the IDEAL you hold/held of her/him.  Every time you begin torturing yourself with false visions of how you want to believe s/he is, remember how s/he REALLY is and notice how HUGE the difference is.  Most often, you will see that warning signs occurred in the relationship but Our commitment to Our fantasy ideals set Us up for a "predictable disappointment."  Next time, We can choose to commit to paying attention to the signs in order to make healthy relationship choices along the way.
4.	Don't play the "make-wrong-game" on yourself or the other person.  The reason you feel that the situation was "wrong" was because it did not meet your expectations.  The make-wrong-game fosters negative, toxic energy that turns in on yourself.  Your time could be better used on forgiveness and loving yourself more so that you will attract the person who can love you the way you want to be loved and who will deserve to love you.
5.	Forgiveness.  When you break it down the to lowest level, you are forgiving yourself and the other(s) for NOT showing up to fit your expectations and/or fantasies. Repeat often: "It could NOT have been any other way than the way it was."  Wasting time on what coulda-woulda-shoulda-been is completely unproductive.  You could be indulging in Love-Me-Time and committing to your Joy. Remember the good qualities that the person had which attracted you to her/him.  This alleviates you from making yourself wrong for the fact that the person stopped displaying those qualities with you.  It also validates the qualities that you like in a partner and frees you to continue to enjoy them in the NEXT person.  Practicing this habit also allows you to smile and laugh at the good things, which is an exercise in positive energy generation for your success. Forgive yourself for any and all situations that you participated in and acknowledge yourself for your good contributions.  You did what you did, s/he did what s/he did and that's that.  Nothing was ever all good or all bad.  Let the good be valuable to your Life Lessons and let the bad be indications of what not to do next time. If the opportunity presents itself and is right, you can say you're sorry that things didn't work out and wish the other person well.  You do this as part of evolving to the next level of forgiveness for yourself and for completion with the other person.  Have NO attachment to their behavior or the outcome.  Forgiveness is first and foremost for YOURSELF.
6.	Listen to your thoughts and actively choose to condition them to support your goals.  Pay attention.  Check in before you freak out.  Don't be afraid of what you will find inside yourself because your ultimate power for happiness is within you.  By constantly dwelling on negative, self-defeating thoughts, you create a void within yourself.  "Nature seeks to fill a void," so if you are not careful of what you put in, the probability for all kinds of dreadful crap to fill your vessel (people, DIS-eases, misfortunes, etc.) is VERY realistic.  Again, develop skills and habits to support you Being Better.
7.	Stop whining and move on.  It seems that far too many of Us are conditioned to be addicted to misery.  Too many people spend an enormous amount of time and energy making themselves miserable and when they can't do that adequately, they look to make others miserable.  Misery is the comfort zone for people who fail to brave to Be Better.  The best way to make yourself - and others who have to tolerate you miserable is to "beat a dead horse," as the dreadful expression goes.  It is valid to have your feelings, to grieve, and to have your process.  However, it is not the goal to make the grieving process your new existence.  On this occasion, a little tough love will get straight to the point: grow up, stop whining, take positive action, and move on.  Many people are not aware that they are trapped in the misery-making-mode.  So, a good way to check if you are is to look in the mirror.  Can you smile at yourself and like what you see?  If not, do whatever it takes to Be Better. "Take responsibility for the energy you bring." ~  Dr. Jill Bolt Taylor
8.	Learn to enjoy your own company.  This is the most important step of all.  Without realizing it, many people jump into relationships to avoid feeling lonely and being alone.  This fear is generated from a lack of self-validation and self-appreciation.  If you don't like your own company, why should anyone else?  Make it a conscious habit to be good to yourself and with yourself.

NOTE:  As you Become Better, there is the strong probability that many of the people you thought were part of your support system become tacky in ways that appear to be jealousy.  Don't take this as a personal attack; they are feeling their comfort zones being shaken by you braving to Be Better.  You may have to make some tough choices to let them go - which may only be for now.  But as you commit to loving and caring for yourself, you will attract people of like minds, like energies, and the ability to love you the way you deserve to be loved!  I am living proof that this IS true!

And just in case you're really dealing with some horrible creatures, being happy and looking fabulous are always the best ... justice!

 

Posted via email from The Mistress Didi*s Moments

I've Grabbed The Chariot's Reigns!

Triumph over adversity, overcoming life's obstacles, decisiveness and ambition in achieving one's goals, well deserved victory.  A period of struggle ending in worldly success.  Self control, effort, perseverance.  Working within the boundaries of one's life to build up a successful existence.

 

Posted via email from The Mistress Didi*s Moments

How I'm dealing with the snot-nose chics at the party tonight...

via 26.media.tumblr.com

LOL!

Posted via email from The Mistress Didi*s Moments