My friend, who is known as Knight of Halos, offered this Pearl of Wisdom:
When We exhibit Self-Esteem, Confidence, and Conscience, those who have what I call a "lack of self" (they lack self-love, self-awareness, self-value, etc.) meet you with the "4 I's":
Idiosyncracies, Inadequacies, Insecurities and other behaviors demonstrating their Inferiority Complex - masked by Narcissism.
Here's an example of what that looks like:
Have you ever experienced a person who, when he recognizes that you are talented in some way, begins to nit-pick at every and anything you do (inadequacy)? Then, everything becomes your fault - the reason the sun isn't shining today is somehow your doing.
He begins to do little things to invalidate you, such as withhold acknowledgement and/or affection (idiosyncracy). This behavior further devolves with accusations that you are trying to sabotage his sense of well-being and belittle him, usually with a focus on what he perceives as his accomplishents (insecurity) - until he accuses you of what he actually believes about himself - e.g., the bottom line: you think he is a loser.
Inveitably, and just a matter of time, he must belitte you with concepts of that you are not good enough to be with him (this is a sign of narcissism in one of its forms that is contrary to popular understanding). YOU must be the problem that he does not feel as fabulous as he lies to himself that he is. It is easier to blame you for his recognition of his lacking than it is to actually do the work to improve himself to reach his personal goals (cowardice). All of these behaviors are classic demonstations of an inferiority complex. We see this sad condition in all areas of the world, in all walks of life, in just about every situation We deal with.
This is why it is so important to Remember Your Value. Too many times, people We love and trust choose to operate from FEAR (False Experiences Appearing Real) at any cost. You can become a casualty of their wars with themselves if you do not protect yourself and maintain your focus. It's fine to understand their emotional difficulties, but it is unacceptable to permit their lack of self to destroy your sense of self.
This is why Forgiveness is such an invaluable tool. Forgiveness is not about forgetting or saying, "what you did is OK with me." (In fact, you should never forget; you should learn from the lesson. The offense was not OK with you; but you can use the experience to learn to choose how you will handle such situations from now on.)
Forgiveness is about making peace with your actions and emotions concerning the person's offenses to you. Holding onto resentment will only foster "dis-ease" and make you ill. You forgive the other person in order to move on to the next level of your development because you cannot change another person. The only person or things you can change in your life begin and end with you (how you choose to handle situations). Everything else is an agreement.
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Posted via email from The Mistress Didi*s Moments
