I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
- Frank Herbert, DUNE
Recently, I had yet another typically boring incident of someone mistaking My actions to be in line with the nefarious intentions they have in their own actions. If I make a mistake, I WILL apologize. Just tell Me - don't address Me the way one should address their insidiously-ill-mannered-spawn. Though the person’s manner should have been more polite, I quickly apologized and the cow replied back to Me as if she were speaking to a humiliation-sub. Nothing she has serves Me in any way. I was being gracious by contributing to her online forum in the first place.
Then, one of My Domina101™ Attendees contacted Me with a similar problem. So, I’m having a glorious day and I’ve decided to share the Domina101™ tip that I gave to Her:
You have to remember to focus first on Who You Are. These silly creatures out here are so confused by what it means to be Dominant/submissive that they just exhibit bad behavior which reflects their lack of self-love – and they are too ignorant to know it.
Being a Dominant first and foremost requires self-control and personal responsibility. Too many “wanna-doms” think that to treat people with humiliation at any and every opportunity means being “in control.” This is always a set up for what one wishes one coulda-woulda-shoulda done when they come across a True Dominant who actually has a Domain and not just a delusion – like moderating an online group as the extent of one’s domain. For too many cybercreeps, the online “community” is all they have to pretend that they are what they present themselves to be. This is not only pathetic and sad, but a testament to how little they actually think of themselves to be too afraid to venture out into the Real World with those of Us who ARE walking Our talk.
Bullies are cowards which are, in My opinion, down there with the lowest of life forms. A coward always makes everything and everyone a reason for why they are failures. They are first to criticize what you have created while having created nothing of their own. They are first to berate you for making a mistake as if they have never, ever made even one. They do not know how to give compliments because they recognize and despise their lack of self-value. They do not know how to accept apologies because they cannot accept their own fallibility. Somehow, they believe they are perfect and that the world offends them by not showing up according to their limited ability, from even more limited experience, to think that it should be. These are the same people who want to dictate exactly how You should be Dominant in Your Domain while knowing absolutely nothing about You, Your life, Your Reality, etc. It is this type of "little world of domination" mentality that annoys those of Us who are living in the Real World of Owning One's Domain.
I have recently had to post You Won't Like My Events If... as a cordial warning to "space invaders" with this same bullying-distortion of what Dominance is. If one has to bully, one is a coward, not a Domme. A True Dominant knows that She does not lose anything by showing respect, gratitude, and graciousness without waiting for an invitation to do so. She can do this because She loves Herself, is responsible for Her actions, maintains Her Domain, and is not threatened by how other people do things in theirs. Most importantly, A True Dominant has no need to even attempt to enter someone else’s Realm and impose anything on it.
The beauty, as William Shakespeare said, is that “Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once.” Julius Ceasar, Act 2, Scene II. Sadist that I am, I take much pleasure in knowing that they repeatedly cause their own suffering by avoiding personal responsibility!
More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom
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You Won’t Like My Events If…
1) You think that My Events are open to everyone, the more-the merrier, or that I desire for everyone to want to attend them. NO. I make it very clear that My Events are NOT for everyone and that only those with the utmost respect and integrity for themselves, for others, and for The Fetish Scene are welcome. I keep the number of attendees at an intimate level to foster a real sense of Community among people with beautiful energies. Creatures who think that to withhold respect and common courtesy is a sign of control/Dominance/self-worth are completely confused and need to learn to become better beings elsewhere.
2) You think that because you attend, it’s all about you. NO, it’s MY Event and you are invited into MY Domain. Invited guests are always on their best behavior or they will be ejected, never to return. Respect and manners are to be given at all times in order for you to receive them. Again, undesireables will be ejected upon the first inkling of bad behavior, never to return. I don’t care how much losers whine to anyone who will entertain garbage; I mean it when I say I don’t want just anyone in My Domain and I fiercely protect My Guests.
3) You think that because you paid admission that you are entitled to every- and anything. NO. You pay admission to offset My costs. Because I don’t enjoy partying in dark dives and paying exorbitant prices for cheap wine and beer, I choose venues, hors d’oeuvres, and. beverages that are of fine quality, are healthy, and that I actually enjoy. Unlike just about every other event promoter I’ve encountered in The Scene, I do not produce events to make money. Since I’m not a trust-fund-kid, I have a budget to adhere to in order to share some of the delights of My Domain with others. My goal is to create a good time with good people and (hopefully) break-even with My expenses. I produce events so that:
a) I create a milieu to attract like-energies;
b) I can meet people I’d actually like to commune with;
c) I can meet quality Dominants and submissives rather than tolerate the many “dummes” and “substandards” that troll around everywhere;
d) I can create a safe haven for people who have a sincere desire to learn and share with and from the Fetish Elite; and
e) I can enjoy the company of people I already know and like.
Notice the key word in the above sentences: “I.” I create the type of events that I wish were available for Me to enjoy. If you attend My Events, you are contributing to your ability to enjoy the finer things that are standard in My Domain.
4) You want to determine the Rules of Protocol. NO. Titles are used and ClassicFetish™ etiquette is demanded of all who enter into My Domain. Since My best friends address Me as Mistress Didi, so will you, and I will reciprocate in kind. Others are also to be address by their titles, unless told otherwise by the individuals. Ma’am, Mistress, Miss, and Sir are to be used at all times. Thank you, please, and excuse me are also expected in conversations of all who attend. Courtesy is a gift that is returned ten-fold. If any of this is a problem for you or your owner, do not attend, which will be a Win-Win for Me no matter how one looks at it.
5) You think you know everything about producing events and ridiculously dare to even think to tell Me how I should produce Mine in MY Domain. Or worse, you want to whine about what you want in My Domain. NO. Produce your own events and, if they are not in a sleazoid venue with a self-indulgent DJ blasting music so that I can’t even hear Myself speak, I will check out what you offer. If it’s not My thing, I have the grace not to disrespect your creation; I just won’t be a frequent visitor. I support you in creating what you desire and sincerely wish you well in your endeavors. That’s what Self-Love and Respect look like in practice; there’s no need or reason for jealousy, avarice, pettiness, etc. from anyone for anyone else. I understand that The Universe works so that when one wins, We can all win, if We are available to prosperity consciousness. It’s also called having class and good upbringing.
6) You think you should or will be catered to. NO. I am a Real Domme, not your mom. Again, an invited guest does not try to be the center of attention, hog all the Play or the party photographer, or dictate to My staff or guests. I am also not a “hoochie-with-a-whip” in the service industry; I’m in the “be served” business. It serves Me and brings Me joy to produce events where cool people enjoy themselves and each other.
7) You lack social skills. For example, although I have event staff, clean up after yourself. That’s common courtesy and respectful of other guests. Basic social graces are all that are required to be a participant in any of My Events. Since there is an epidemic of growing numbers of people who lack such skills, I have taken the time to give yet another gift in the form of a Free eBook: How To Properly Present yourself To A Mistress, which is a primer in basic Scene etiquette that is a great resource for Dominants and submissives alike.
8) You think I’m elitist. YES, I am. And with good reason. I’ve dedicated Myself to becoming a skilled, Fetish Artist with many years of blood, sweat, and tears (which was a lot of fun for Me and My Playmates) to honestly walk My talk. I cultivated My style with grace and aplomb to become an expert in many techniques. I am offended by all these “dummes” and “substandards” who dare to dictate to ME, and others of My caliber, on the who-what-how things should be when they can barely even hold a flogger to flail it. My Domain and My Events are for the crème-de-la-crème of The Fetish Lifestyle and for those who wish to contribute to and be a part of Us.
9) You think I’m a bitch and you don’t understand the power. YES, I am proud to be a REAL Dominant who is Being In Total Control of Herself = My Domain. The primary reason that I am Dominant is because I want things the way I want them in My Domain (the same goes for just about every other Dominant that I know and associate with). The truth is that most people think you’re a bitch when they can’t have what they want in your Domain. These kinds of people are lazy and lack personal responsibility for their own lives and want to invade yours. I don’t allow this on any level.
I also do not care if people like Me or what I create in My Domain. If you don’t like it, don’t accept My gracious invitation to join Me in it. Simple.
It’s not your job to like Me; it’s Mine. ~ Byron Katie
If any of the above holds true for you, My Events are NOT for you. Life is too short to spend time on things that do not fit in with your comfort zone and I support you in enjoying what does. My Events are just a few of many opportunities to be grateful for your freedom to choose. Please be grateful for such freedom; not everyone has it.
You are responsible for the energy you bring. ~ Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*
